Lara&Neil

Please note: this section was written by Neil, unsupervised. None of it has been fact-checked.

Lara and I met at UBC in Canada, where we were both spending a year abroad. It was clear to everyone in the room that she was instantly smitten. Lara, however, decided to play hard to get, and committed to it with the dedication of a method actor. For an entire two years.

After university, she agreed to join me travelling through Bolivia, Peru, Ecuador and Colombia, presumably so she could keep up the act somewhere more scenic.

Somewhere along the way, following a disagreement with a microscopic parasite, I developed what I’ll describe as a minor organ issue. [Editor’s note: his kidneys stopped working. — L] The details aren’t important. What’s important is that, despite being dehydrated to roughly the consistency of a raisin, I kept charming Lara with my beautifully articulated Spanish and and a remarkable ability to remain devastatingly handsome in the face of acute organ failure. My kidneys have since made a full recovery and I remain very proud of them.

Back in London, Lara finally cracked, and I received the promotion I’d been working towards: from “friend Neil” to “boyfriend Neil”. Lara simply couldn’t keep her eyes off me. So shortly afterwards she did what anyone would do and arranged a global pandemic, purely so that we’d have to move in together as quickly as possible. Bold. Effective. Good move, Lara.

Living together, she discovered that I’m not only a flawless linguist, but also perfect in every other way imaginable. We bought a home together, and she has been coming to terms with my perfection ever since.

I also did an Ironman, just FYI.

Nine years on, I’ve received one more promotion, from “boyfriend Neil” to “fiancé Neil”. We can’t wait to celebrate with all of you.